I love The Bachelor. So, naturally, I spent more hours than I care to admit (two… maybe three) looking at the bios of the new bachelorettes and setting up my bracket.
My first night picks are always a train wreck. I never pick the woman whose hero is Britney Spears and who once jumped off a boat naked then tended bar (was she still naked?). This year, the high school counselor is an early favorite for me. I’m assuming that means she won’t get any face time with Chris and will be heading home immediately while the Britney fan makes it to the fantasy suite.
This is probably an appropriate time to mention that I’m fully aware of how dangerous it is to judge someone on the producer-approved contents of a paragraph on the internet and a professional photo. I look forward to having my assumptions challenged.
If you’re looking for a paper bracket, former Bachelorette Desiree Hartsock has a good one on her blog. I like the additional bonus points for things like “first kiss,” but it really lacks the complexity of a bracket that includes: crying; saying “I love you,” “journey,” or “the right reasons;” first impression rose or group date rose bonus points; and awkward farmer puns. Unfortunately, I haven’t found a bracket that totals those for you, and keeping track of the number of times someone cries in this show is too exhausting.
Otherwise, I’d recommend The Bachelor Bracket. You can place your bets for the whole season, bet week-to-week, or develop your own system that you have to score. Additionally, you can invite your friends to join your own personal bracket or join the group one. I sent an invitation link to my boyfriend and didn’t get a response. Fantasy football and fantasy hockey are fine, but I guess he thought I was joking when it came to putting together my all star team for Chris Soules’ heart.
But the most important thing I need for my Bachelor nights (other than that bottle of wine) is a cheat sheet. That was one thing I was really struggling to find today, so I made my own. It’s not perfect or even that great, but it’s better than nothing. And because sometimes all the blondes look the same (and the brunettes and the people they cast in general) I am sharing it with you, dear reader. May someone find this helpful in the upcoming happiest season of the year.