Next week marks the beginning of Nick’s Season of The Bachelor. This year, ESPN & ABC have announced their own Bachelor Fantasy League, so my little fantasy league is abandoning our traditional brackets down at The Bachelor Bracket to try something new.
I made a handy cheat sheet for you all, since I’m incapable of remembering the women’s names until the very end. I assume at least one other person out there might suffer from the same problem. I make 8.5×11 and 11×17 versions for download and printing. This year I went with landscape mode because, honestly, it’s way simpler.
This year, the women have a few shared interests. Primarily, you’ll note a love of water from dolphin lovers and mermaid wannabes. Popular movies, as always, are Titanic and The Notebook. This year, Olivia Pope is of particular interest as a hero to many of the women. Also, an odd pattern this year is that a few of the women with tattoos are in the middle of getting them removed. That seems like a weird shared characteristic to me.
There’s the usual mix of lawyers, nurses, and teacher. The online Q&A is uninspiring, unfortunately, with few truly hilarious or revealing answers. However, they’re still worth reading. I found more than a few favorite bachelorettes to root for, but that’s mostly because I’m a sucker for people who learn multiple languages.
My favorite Q&A is from Raven, who is totally not afraid of aging… but she’ll totally do some cosmetic procedures to mitigate it…
Do you have a fear of aging, and are you doing anything to prevent it? No! Oh, I’m sure I’ll use cosmetic procedures to my advantage, but tastefully done.
Based entirely on the bios alone, I have soft spots for the following:
Christen, the Wedding Videographer who would hide in a White House storage closet to figure out the inner workings of the West Wing
Jasmine G, the Pro Basketball Dancer who calls herself the girl version of Guy Fieri because she wants to travel all over the country and eat
Kristina, the Dental Hygienist who has a sob story and is (also) not afraid of aging (no mention of cosmetic procedures for her)
Michelle, the aforementioned Food Truck Owner who speaks Portuguese and seems to be pretty adventurous and fun
Olivia, the Apparel Sales Representative who was the kicker on her high school football team and sucks at giving maid of honor speeches
Danielle L., the Small Business Owner who admires foxes because they’re cunning and jumped off a cliff into a waterfall despite the signs saying “Locals Only” (as if the sign is the big deal that made the whole thing an adventure)
Knowing my history with this show, every single one of these women will be kicked off right away and for good cause. One will be the person who gets wasted the first night, another will be the trouble causer, another will be the one who says highly inappropriate and awkward things in the confessionals.
But that’s the challenge of the game. Wish me well!