This blog has been a lot of things for me over the years. It began as a project to document the playlist I create every summer. Since then, it has been practice at my craft, keeping up with regular writing and learning to sustain a content calendar without much content. It has been half accountability for my love of goal setting, shouting out to anonymous people who may stumble across it about my goals and successes. It has hosted my Bachelor and Bachelorette brackets for those like reality TV and struggle with the same level of extreme face blindness I do.
And because it has been so many things to me, I’ve struggled to identify what it is to me now. Now, when I no longer watch the Bachelor, when I’m caught up on my musical writing project, when I’m at a place in my career and freelance work that I no longer need this space to hone certain skills.
For a while I struggled to reframe my return to this space. When your private diary is basically a public space, you begin to feel accountable to those who may stumble across it. I felt I had to apologize for abandoning the blog. I felt like I needed to have a clearly defined schedule and content calendar to jump back in. I felt beholden to this idea of my readers and their expectations.
I wasn’t ready to let go of the website and what it has been to me in the past, but I was ready for a refresh, murky though it may be. And that’s what I’m trying to focus on: what I want and need. Ultimately, what sparks joy for me is documenting my goals, updating them, being able to write things out that get in my head, being able to document things in my life.
In attempting to release the pressure of self-expectations, I had to reframe how I think about this private/public space of mine. Ultimately, I decided this blog is a scrapbook. It’s not a diary. It’s not a guide. It’s not a place where I show off my expertise. It’s just a drop of truth and documentation about what inspires me. And I’m ready to feel OK using it that way.